iwant,
anvilhead said it.
you are spinning and it doesn't seem to stop. if his results came back two or three days later, that sounds right, and if they said "malignancy" that is cancer. but there is no "book of rules on how to take care of yourself" that says you put up with distasteful behavior and crap because he has cancer.
your need to have these discussions with him, will prove fruitless - i wish you could see that. what is it you think might happen, if you have yet another come-to-jesus meeting?
and....i'm sorry you're in such turmoil. it is so flippin hard to give up the dream, and to walk away from someone who is sick. but i think you're making yourself sick with all of this turmoil. my stomach is tensing up from reading the o.p.
however -- i am GLAD you came here. we are always open, always listening, and we just want what's best for you.