I just don't know what to do...I need advice! He says he will find a place to live if I want him to leave...then he can't make that decision so he asks me to make it for him..Im just like well you gotta do what you need to do. I don't knoww?! I want him to go, but then I am scared.
Scared of what? Things are bad now. Getting some space can only bring you some peace so you can think clearly. You can stand up for yourself and ask him to leave. You have the right and ability to do that even though he has quit drinking for right now.
Those things you mentioned with your step son are all
huge red flags. The fact that your A is blowing it off is a red flag. I urge you to not leave your children alone with your step son or his family. Is your A the father of your children? If not, please don't leave them alone with him either. Maybe even if he is. I don't mean to offend. He blew it off though, and that is a red flag in my book.
I'm sorry for all you have to think about and deal with right now.