hi mama-
i'm sorry that you and your children are going thru this. i find myself wondering, is your husband actually going to AA meetings? or is that just something he's talking about?
in my own recovery, i found it best not to rely on xABF for anything. make your plans so that they do not depend whatsoever on what he does. for example, if you decide to go to an alanon meeting, set it up so that you have a babysitter rather than rely on him.
alcoholics promise the world when they feel threatened of loosing their nest. anyone really in recovery would never promise to not drink again, as they understand that they are alcoholics and relapse is possible. they would say something like "i have not had a drink TODAY" which is really the most anyone can say.
as for your "normal drinking", mine tried to throw that back at me to. i really couldn't see how my 2 or 3 drinks compared at all to his 2 or 3 sessions a day, but in his head, i was the one with the drinking problem. it's all projection and blame shifting, something they are fantastic at.
have you met with the lawyer yet? no harm in getting your process started...you always have the option of not filing.
now is the time to ask your friends for support. it's hard to ask for help but i found that when i did, there was plenty of it available. all i needed to do was reach out.
naive