I'm enormously triggered by your post so I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing here
I think the most important thing is to remain true to yourself, hold your boundaries, focus on you and your needs, keep you and the kids in a good place.
Do not get stuck in the words because they are generally designed to manipulate through either kindness, guilt, or fear. Watch behavior. The behavior tells all.
Also, your own wise words, - take one day at a time.
