So AH did sit down with the kids last night and talk to them about him being an alcoholic. I will tell you, it was like family day at rehab. It was very emotional. The oldest 2 (who are 9 and almost 7) took everything hard. They cried. I cried for them. AH cried. I felt nothing. He let them know that he is going to go to meetings, church, and read his books from treatment the first time. The thing that gets me is he PROMISED them he would never have a drink again. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But that's a big promise to make and maybe break to the kids. Our oldest has hurt the worst. He is very withdrawn, won't talk to anyone, and already wants to spend as much time away from our home as possible- which I allow. He's detaching himself.
After the kids went to bed, AH was supposed to leave. I asked him to stay somewhere else and only work here. But he sat down and cried to me. Told me I am the closest thing to a saint he's ever met. I am a people pleaser and he made my heart black. He said he can't believe he's ever put me through the things he has. He says he understands if I want to leave. He is on day 6 with no alcohol. He still has had his moment of lashing out at me, name calling, etc. To him, I ignore this, but I come here to read or post.
I met with my counselor last night and I do feel better. I know I do not make to rash decisions. She gave me a name of a law office that works with low income divorces, which I would need since I am a SAHM and have been for 7 years. I am excited to know there are options out there.
I guess I am going to take it one day at a time. Try not to control anything. If he drinks, he drinks. If not, good for him. But I wonder if this is it. Does he finally see it. The thing that makes me question it is he says "if" I can do this, "if" I don't drink.
