Thanks for responses.. No, I have been in the program of NA and have worked the steps before, so i really do need to get going on the steps again. By feeling like crap, I meant emotionally.. I mean a little earlier, all i could think about was using again. It's like I just don't want to go through the pain of staying sober.. very lame, i know. I want the escape and not the loneliness sobriety brings.. I was miserable when I had 18 months last time and working the steps. so, I am a little worried about the results i will have this time around, but we all know what happens eventually when we do use again, it just gets worse.. basically, there is no way out, either way.. just stating how I really feel about it right now.. sucks..