hi 2dayzmuse muse that's the words of my CCO. house arrest officer. yess i do think i was looking for an exuse but i did not do it this time. and are all meetings sooo full of people? maybe it's a good thing that there are a lot of people getting help but are there littler groups that can be gone to? funny you should mention the whole joint thing man 'cuz i was just thinkin' that if i just smoke pot it really is not as bad as everything else and it would help this headache go away but i guess that's just another excuse right? i don't really care right now actually. i meen i do in a way or i would not be here trying to talk it out but in reality i am just ready to say f-it. i am so depressed about how hard i tried it still just wasn't good enough. it will never be good enough i will always be a junkie and an addict so why the hell am i putting myself through all this. it's hopeless.