Originally Posted by
kittykitty 
I read that alot in the posts, "tell us what's going on with YOU?".... its an encouragement for us to talk about ourselves instead of the alcoholic. I like it, and I've even typed it before, but at this point I am having trouble focusing on me.
My XABF has called me twice in the last two days, same time each morning. Haven't talked to him since the last time he showed up at my house (and I should have just gone inside and closed the door, but instead ended up in a confrontation.) and I KNOW i couldn't have been clearer about leaving me alone, not calling, not emailing, not coming over, nothing. That was 10 days ago yesterday. Even told him I would involve the police if I had to.
A simple NO
should suffice... If he shows up again... call the police... otherwise he won't take you seriously. It is my experience that they will treat you EXACTLY how you let them.
I chose to turn my exah's ringtone off... If he called... I wouldn't (be tempted) to drop everything to answer. If I chose to listen to his voicemail... and the voicemail was not about our work/business... (I could tell almost instantly)... I would delete it... that way I didn't even know what he was saying. I had to do that for my own sanity. I just didn't need to hear the blah...blah...blah...
I'm working three jobs right now, all of them physical labor, on my feet all day. I haven't seen my friends in weeks, haven't had a real day off in a while. Teaching classes and cooking in a restaurant all day. My back is killing me, I haven't slept or eaten properly in weeks (can't eat when I cook all the time) and I think I might even be getting sick. And to top it off, I haven't been to an Al Anon meeting in almost 4 weeks. I'm always working. I feel like I'm coming loose at the seams.
Of course you're coming apart at the seams... stress is a killer and makes you more susceptible to b.s. You must take care of you...
you are the foundation for your future... Take vitamins... take a 15 minute break and breathe... drink orange juice.
He is calling me now and leaving messages that he is really in trouble. That he really ****ed up, and I am the only one that he can call. Promises that all the other times he called or came by were tricks to manipulate me into talking to him, but swears this time isn't.
Mr. Obvious can tell you he really ****ed up.... and NO you're not the only one he can call.... he's learned and you've showed him you're an easy target to manipulate.... don't fall for the ****ed up b.s.....again.
I'm not even tempted to call him. I don't want to, which I am proud of. Because I don't believe him. But I am finding it is still on my mind ALL THE TIME! The curiousity is killing me, the wonder if it is actually real, not a lie, and I've turned into a heartless ***** by not responding. What if he does really need someone? What if he really isn't lying? At this point, I get mad at myself for even thinking these thoughts. He is manipulating me, and I haven't even talked to him. God I wish I could block him, he calls from different numbers, so I never know if it's him or a client leaving a message. I freeze when I hear it's him, and by the time I get my breath back i've already heard the whole message. I'm laughing when I erase it, saying "hell no" to myself, but hours later I find I'm still thinking about it, and worrying about it.
It is a lie. The only person he really needs is a sponsor. BTW... every single # he calls you from... silence the ringer... you probably have a good idea of who should and should not be calling you.... so don't answer... then silence the ringer for that #.... if it happens to be an important call from someone else... you can call them back.
How do I make this stop? Can someone please remind me that I am not a heartless ***** for not responding to his pleas? I feel like I'm having trouble with my perspective right now, just not thinking straight, and I feel like I need some helpful words. Someone please knock some sense into me?
I've never had to do anything like this before, but how much evidence do I need to involve the police? Should I involve the police? Do i have to save the messages? How does that work?
Yep... it's tough being heartless isn't it.... hmmmm... you're not heartless! you've learned that in order to have a heart you should let someone jerk your chain... so that gives you a heart....???
I was accused of being many things... heartless was one.... I assure you I was not heartless... I did everything in my power to make life easier for my special man.... cause you know he just couldn't do anything without me.... so I finally realized.... I had a heart.... but it was my brain that was missing
You'll be fine. Breathe. Make a list of YOUR priorities and stick to it. If he's capable of calling you from so many different #'s its obvious he can get around... so he should have no problem finding a meeting.
Take care of YOU... yes YOU!