thanks ya'll you just don't know how much everything you guys say meens to me. i just love hearing ya'lls own stories 'cuz then i know i am not alone. i though i have been haveing the worst headache EVER but see you say that it is normal so i feel better about everything.
i have a metting tonite i will go to and try again. i am pretty sure of it. i know i need it right now. i had a very bad day today. i took my drug test and even though i had NO drugs in my system for the first time in so long that guy still looked at me and said "well there are minute traces of alcohol and as excpected out of you. we knew you couldn't stop. even though it doesn't go over the legal limit i should violate you anyway. you know that meen prison. once a junkie always a junkie"
needless to say when i left there i was pretty down and went straght into my dopemans house. OMG i was saying to myself ok that jerk <<well not exactly jerk but, anyway if he wants to find something in there i will bring the word junkie to all new hights they willhave to redefine addict. then as if GOD himself was talking to me said "and what are you gonna say to everyone who believes in you so much, like i do" well what can you say to that? i just said to him i was just comeing by to say that i am an addict and i want to be clean. please don't sell me anything. so he said ok and then told me he was proud to hear it,to get out of his house and not to come back unless its to tell him some good news. that comeing from a dopeman? well we laughed for a minute then i just left. i was shaking and scared that i even thought like that but didn't do it. i am so use to getting mad and self destructing and i actually didn't do that this time. although i have been going back and forth with the whole thing. so i decided to come on here and get my head straightened out . thanks again for being there for me listening to me blab on about mindless chatter. my lil' bro Jesse jusst came in the door saying he felt like there's something wrong and he is here. so i will now say good-bye and thanks. Erika oh HEY LUV THAT PIC MAN thanks ms. eddie