Thank you, thank you for the support coffee, transform, gold...and everyone. I'm all teary this morning as I read and re-read your words. I think there is a deep feeling of loss for me around watching things in my life change--even though it's healthy change I'm seeing that some friends are falling away, and I keep wanting to reach out to them but they're emotionally unavailable people. It's an old way of being in the world but it's still a loss to let it go. And then there are all of you who respond and are really "there", all throughout the world. It's pretty amazing and I'm so appreciative, there are no words, really.
I'm happy about this dog, I really know it's the best thing for me to move forward. It's who I am, I'm happiest with a pup, REALLY happy. I think I'm scared because part of me is still looking for that outside approval that I haven't gotten from others...which is good, because I know it needs to come from myself. But it's like learning to ride a bike for the first time...I hope it really is like riding a bike and once I know how to give myself approval then I'll always remember!
As for the exA, I'm very in touch today with the feeling of not knowing who the h*ll I fell in love with. That pleasant facade yesterday could be just that--a facade. I'll never know, I'll never know, I'll never know. And it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, IT DOESN'T MATTER. Trying to keep that in the forefront or I'll be focusing on someone else's process instead of my own, and I SO want to focus on my own process.
In that vein, I'll try to post a puppy pic if she comes home with us tonight.
Hugs and gratitude,
posie