You can post it here, or in the substance abuse forum.
JMO, but don't discount rehab, meetings, or any kind of help you can get. I totally understand wanting the satisfaction of "defeating it" but addiction is a demon unlike anything any of us have ever dealt with before. There is SOOOOO much more than just stopping the dope. That's actually the easy part. The hard part is learning to live life and not wanting to pick up when "life stuff" happens. Our minds are now conditioned to think "get numb" to just about anything...good stuff, bad stuff, doesn't matter.
With me, ANYTHING could be a trigger...a bic lighter, certain words, etc. Then I had the very loving family that would ask "are you craving drugs?" I would say "um, wasn't even THINKING about it until you just mentioned it, thank you very much!" I had to learn to deal with minor frustrations without dope; how to deal with fun stuff without dope. I've been through 2 robberies at work (got pistol-whipped the 2nd time) resulting in PTSD; deaths of family members; living with an addict stepmom; loss of a nursing career; financial ruin; legal issues and other stuff...all without dope.
I consider myself a very strong person, but there is NO WAY I could have done it without a ton of support. I don't go to meetings now, but I did for a while and I still use what I learned there. I depend on SR tremendously, and have several close friends here that I e-mail throughout the day numerous times - most of the time it has nothing to do with recovery, as we've become "bestest buddies" but, believe me, if I'm struggling, they're there for me. I have a few f2f friends and family members who are invaluable support. If all this stops working for me, I know exactly where the nearest AA meeting is. I had my 3-year clean b'day last month.
My best advice is use every resource you can, especially in the beginning. Don't discount the addiction demon. Your faith will help you, tremendously, and in the beginning I wasn't exactly ready to quit forever, so I prayed "please let me be willing to quit. It worked.
I worked 'til early this morning, so am about to go to sleep. Got to work again tonight, so will check back in when I can. Sunday's are a little slow around here, but I'm sure there will still be plenty of people around.
Have a terrific clean day!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy