Thanks everyone for your words of support and encouragement. I keep wondering about these disordered thoughts. I know alcohol is bad for me, I know I'll regret drinking, I know that all i ever get are adverse psychological and physical effects. yet for me to get the urge to drink, my mind must on level see some benefit to using alcohol, but what could the benefits be?
I guess I'm trying to intellectualise the experience in order to cope with it.