MAY TRIGGER.........................MAY TRIGGER.....................................
Hi SomeoneSomewhere,
I, too, was where you are with doubts & denial about my drinking too much. I used alcohol to self-medicate my depression/anxiety & life/living grief.
I got to the point where I could not go without a drink at a certain time of day after work. If I couldn't drink I would have the shakes & most certainly the beginning stages of withdrawal.
I was from a family with a history of alcoholism, depression, & anxiety issues.
I was 48 when I asked for help & was one very sick person even though I had never been to jail, lost my home, or family. I did keep telling myself that if I kept my job, my home clean, my kids clean & well fed... that I abused alcohol but was not an alcoholic.
How I got to the place where I wanted help was when I wanted to be sober for myself more than anything else in the world. I did it with the help of AA Meetings, a Sponsor, meditation, & working hard to live a sober life to the best of my ability.
I had losses & grieving issues before I drank much but after each issues would feel I deserved to drink more. I have had some of the same issues since being sober & did not even think of a drink making it better.
I mentioned my family predispositions & one was my son. He spent four years in the Navy after highschool & when he was discharged had a serious drinking problem...he got to the point where he lost several jobs in a row due to drinking on the job...did go for treatment & counseling but it didn't solve his issues so he quit the medications & continued to drink...just like me.
Seven years ago he had a failed attempted suicide & now is a quadriplegic in a wheelchair the rest of his life. He is 40 years old now & living in an Adult Family Home because he needs 24 hour care now. The VA provides all of his medical needs & medications & the state helps the VA pay for the facility he lives in.
We may never know why? I had been sober fourteen years then & when I got back home from the Trauma Hospital I went back to AA. I was already retired & never once thought of a drink making things better.
I did have problems with my depression/anxiety so went back to counseling for six months. Then I found Sober Recovery and it has helped me more than I could ever believe.
I hope you keep searching your inner self & come to find what it is like to be sober. Life can be hard but living it sober works better.
kelsh