I started packing one week before I left, or I thought I was leaving in a week. My XABF watched me pack, and started to go through all the boxes, accusing me of 'stealing' his stuff too. I had bought ALL NEW STUFF for my new apartment, from the toilet brush, to the bed and couch.
I said to him..WHY would I be stealing your OLD NASTY CRAP when I bought all new stuff????? Idiot!
We got into a HUGE fight that night, and I left the next day. I continued packing through the fighting, and a switch just flipped in my brain that I was DONE! The next morning he left for work at 6am, and I was on the phone, getting a UHaul, and moving out the stuff I needed, and I left the rest. I just didn't care! He can keep the crap we accumulated. I didn't want ANY of his karma in my new home!
11 weeks of NC and counting. It does really get easier!
If you fear your XA will be violent, involve the police. Get what you need, and just get out. It's just STUFF, and it can be replaced! You and your kids cannot!
Prayers going out to you!