Originally Posted by
anvilhead 
It would really suck to find out that he just went right back to drinking. remember that is YOUR assessment.....but he is free to make choices about his own life, regardless of how less than optimal those choices appear to you. i know that's a tough place to reach mentally......but it will FREE you from worry and fret. his life, his choices. your life, your choices.
Yes, it's definitely my assessment and probably purely selfish on my part. It would suck for me because it would mean he's not going to have a fulfilling happy life. The thought of that really makes me sad. I guess I can be thankful that I think just that now, instead of "it sucks cause we won't be able to be together and have a life together."
Now what he chooses doesn't have any affect on my life. But it would make me feel sad if he wasn't choosing recovery.
I think I'm there mentally. I hope I am. I do understand that he is free to make his choices now. I have to say, it was SUCH a relief to let that part go, that desperation to try to control what he chooses. I didn't even realize the weight of that desperation until I let it go.
I miss him though. I especially miss the sober, enthusiastic, sparkly-eyed young man he used to be when we were young and he was still full of hope and happiness.