It will never get better
Tonight...I was reminded why I left my A in the first place. I am certain he isnt getting treatment and it shows. I gave him the opportunity to file taxes together so he wouldnt have to pay the IRS 4K and he blew it. He never called and when I texted him he said he was busy and maybe tomorrow. I was doing him the favor he asked of me. The thing is this isnt the first time he has done this, not even the second time. I kindly told him there would not be another chance and wished him luck, told him I would pray for him and hope it all works out for him. I am not going to get in God's way again. I leave him to God.
Sadly, the husband I knew is gone. I need to admit that and see who he is now. He is a 32 year Alcoholic boy acting 13 who has the king baby syndrome.
There is nothing I can do to help him. I can pray. I can and will force myself to move on. There may be roller coaster days but today my HP gave me a gift. He reminded me who my A was these days.
I will go on with my life and hope he recovers one day. I know most of them dont. I will devote my life to myself and God and be as happy as possible.
I will pray God takes this horrible anxiety away. Today I learned I can probably have my A back..and all the pain he brings.
He is really just a shell of a man.
No more contact, no more trying to figure out how to help and heck even manipulate him into getting himself better. He is free. I am free.
I was a flightless bird...but I hope to mend my wings and fly...