I think you're doing great KP! (((hugs)))
I was recently reminded of a tip a friend shared with me when I was newly working NC (No Contact):
As lonely as it feels not having any contact by choice, imagine what it would feel like if the contact was broken because something awful had happened. What if you were not able to contact the A because they were in the hospital, in a coma? That would be worse, right?
Looking back on that advice, I realize it was also a way to give me my power back. If the A were in a coma, the choice to cut off communication would have been beyond my control. I might feel helpless in that situation.
But since the cut off of communication occured because I Choose Not To Communicate with the A, the power belongs with me. I have the power to choose who I communicate with and when.
Give yourself a hug today! You are doing wonderful, powerful things to take care of YOU! Soooooo worth it!