This can be a painful part of the recovery process. Looking within. Looking inside my head and heart and taking a personal inventory of myself. It's not really painful, but uncomfortable. I have been preoccupied with looking at my A and the alcoholic behavior. It became my obssession. So I am stepping into foreign territory by looking within instead of looking without.
In recovery, I have a toolbelt of recovery tools. Things like: Alanon slogans (this too will pass, Live and let Live, Let go and let HP, etc), serenity prayer, phone numbers, SR, self-help books, and lots of post-it notes!
Before recovery, my toolbelt had supplies for putting out forest fires from active alcoholism. Things like: checkbook to cover debt, credit card to cover more unexpected expenses, dustpan, fire extinguisher and a pack of huggies (thank you GiveLove for those last 3).
There are 3 basic steps to all recovery. Three A's. Awareness, Acceptance & Action.
You are currently becoming aware of your feelings. There are lots of new emotions and some old faithful ones (anger, resentment).
Then comes acceptance. This is me. This is where I am at. This I am.
Next comes action. Lots of changes can be made, but they all begin with one small step, followed by another small step, and on we go.
I second, third or 99th, recommend reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. We are currently doing an online book study, Chapter by Chapter. You can follow along by pulling up the older threads.
One of the feelings we will all have, throughout our life, is loss. Relationships, objects, people and pets come and go in our lives. Each loss brings about grief. Some minor losses like a missing earring can still bring about grief. There is a recovery model that describes the 5 stages of grief. Anger is one of them. If you wish to read a bit more about the 5 stages of grief as described in Codependent No More, here is the link from our discussion of that chapter:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2559627