You asked this:
Have any of you have the guilt that I have for them losing EVERYTHING once you left them? (this is the one I am not controlling well)
I was with my A a little longer than you were with yours. I left. When I left, I took everything with me: children, pets, furniture, a car, dishes, etc. I left him with our bed linens, air mattress, big screen tv, my suv, an old truck, two bean bag chairs, a few dishes, the house and the coffee maker. He lost the house later.
But I did not feel guilty. He chose alcohol over the family. He chose alcohol over the marriage. His choices = his consequences.
I tried everything during our marriage to get him to understand that I could not put up with his unacceptable behavior. I was sure I could change him. He never believed I would leave him. He even had arranged things so that I financially would not leave him (house in his name, downpayment from me), my suv in his name, secretive funds. He figured wrong. I walked away from the alcoholism.
I did not feel guilty leaving an adult man to do his own laundry, cook his own meals, clean his own house, pay his own bills and live his own life.
There is a positive side to my story. My AXH did get sober a week after I filed the divorce. He has been sober a year now. Still doing his own laundry, cooking his own meals, (keeping his side of the street clean) and I am taking care of me.