He's miserable because of his behavior and his choices, not because you are smiling or having fun. You could be miserable with him, but that would only be two people being miserable instead of one.
The alcoholics I have known, including my XAH, have been pretty resourceful and have managed to survive without any help at all from me.
Who'da thought.
It's perfectly normal to have emotions, and sorry to say, they don't just "go away." But, with recovery, I have learned that 1) feeling them won't kill me, 2) I don't have to act on them, and 3) they often have nothing to do with reality. Oh, and they pass. My favorite tool for dealing with unpleasant emotions is to visualize yourself on a beach with the waves rolling in. Think of the emotion as a big wave. It feels as though you are being swept away by it, and sometimes it even knocks you off your feet. But, if you hold steady, it will roll on by.
L