My sister admitted to using crack
Hey guys brand new here. Brand new to major drug use too. My brother and I were pretty wild when we were younger. Drinking, doing a little pot. My sister was the straight laced one. If anyone was to peg an addict in our home it would've been my brother or me. Funny how he and I grew up to have pretty stable families and lives and her life seems to have imploded. The contrast makes it that much harder for me to believe.
She's been in a bad relationship for about 4 years now. I refuse to say abusive anymore. It's hard to tell who's worse, her or her bf. Things started to get bad about a year ago. She'd call and cry for us to get her and her son, she'd take the day off of work and leave babysitting to me while she spent the day at mom's and texted her bf. (nephew is 7 and should've been in school) After a while it felt like there really was no crisis and she just wanted an excuse to have a mini vacation. Sure enough she'd go right back and we weren't allowed to talk about it. It made her angry and she'd avoid us. But even though it upset my parents and threw a wrench in my family for days afterward we had to keep jumping every time she called because she was in an abusive relationship, right? The constant threat of him hurting her or her hurting herself was like a rope around my neck. If something happened to her it would've been our fault because we said NO this time.
Then last week I got a call at about 10pm. My sister tried to commit suicide (second time in 7 months) and mom was running to the hospital. That's when everything came out. She's been doing crack for 3 months and she blew through $2,000 my parents let her borrow for a car in 2 weeks. She admitted to smoking crack in my parents house when they were downstairs tending to her neglected son. All day long she refused to come downstairs and even acknowledge he was there. Now we know why.
It makes sense now. Her appearance, her utilities getting shut off... everything. We had thought maybe they were having financial problems because bf was laid off. She was never one to not pay bills. Just two weeks ago I had said to her "You need to leave him. Look at what he's doing to you! YOU LOOK LIKE A D*MN CRACK ADDICT". I just wanted to highlight how bad her appearance has gotten due to the stress of the relationship. It still blows me away that I was right without knowing it. Her behavior started to get very erratic. Mom keep repeating that she was on the verge of a breakdown and I'm ashamed to say we blew her off as being over dramatic. After a while though we all saw it and started to get concerned but what could we do? She wouldn't talk to us. She acted paranoid, like we were out to get her. Now I know why.
It's been a week. CPS won't take my nephew but his father is trying to get custody now (thank God!!!). What is the standard? If smoking crack in the house and popping pills IN HIS ROOM WITH HIM WATCHING, screaming that she's going to die IN FRONT OF HIM isn't enough to take him away, what is?!
We've been held hostage by the suicide attempts. Held hostage by her abusive relationship. I feel like crack is just the icing on the cake. She hates us now. We're never allowed to be hurt or angry. She needs help and anything less than sympathy and complete devotion to helping her is unacceptable. We need to believe that outpatient rehab is going to do the trick and we aren't allowed to question her decision to go back with her (also crack addicted) bf. Most importantly, we need to continue to jump when she tells us to.
It actually gives me comfort to know she hates us right now. Maybe that will mean no more phone calls at 1am to go get her. I doubt it though. Eventually he'll kick her out again to teach her a lesson and she'll have no where else to go. I can't speak for everyone in my family but she sure as he// not coming here again.
What happens now? Is it right to write her off for now? What is the right way to help? I don't want to abandon her but I feel like I'm not equipped to handle this.
Sorry for the long post. If feels good to get it out to someone.