((1logically))
First let me say how much I hate to hear that you have been in this type of situation for so many years - I'm sure that has been painful, miserable, scary and heartbreaking.
Please know that there is help for YOU.
Thru our own recovery - posting here, talking with recovery friends/sponsor, attending Al-Anon meetings, reading recovery literature - we learn that Hurting People HURT people.
Most Active Alcoholics/Addicts carry inside a tremendous amount of pain, guilt and agony. They are not doing anything healthy to manage these emotions and many project these feelings onto those closest to them. Their partners, spouses, siblings, parents, and children. That's why it's called the FAMILY disease of alcoholism/addiction.
For me, this is why I came here for the help, love and support of others affected by this disease - so that I could learn what was healthy and recovery oriented - how I could take care of ME - to make decisions based on my best interest, to learn to set healthy boundaries so that I no longer tolerated unacceptable behaviors.
Please remember you are worth of ALL the miracles of recovery in YOU - Keep coming back and reaching out for help so that you can find them for YOU!!!
Wishing you HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita