Wow!, recently I thought I was past the anger and moving out of sadness to acceptance. This week the I was reminded that I really hadn't "dealt" with my anger eventhough I didn't feel angry this week. Got curious and realized that it is really dealt with when you are angry - you need to look at your anger when ok. By that I mean, being able to look at our patterns. I journalled before coming here and was surprised to see this subject up so I know it was ordered by my HP.
What I have been learning is that I lived with much anger and how it played a role in the relationship and how it did not play a role. There were times when it was inappropriate but there were times it was appropriate. I also learned that appropriate or not, I don't handle it well. So I have been learning better ways to express it, learning how to let things go, and just plain feeling better in general.
In my journalling, not only did I see the appropriate anger come up - I also saw the anger connected specifically to use of alcohol vs non use. It seems to clear up things for me. That alone helped me to open up and understand the journey of the A and recovery more than ever in a way I hope will allow me to make better decisions about the future.
I realize we can get confused when angry. And like others here, I had terrible role models for coping with anger appropriately. So this has been a huge learning experience for me. It also helped when my daughter reflected back to me recently that she finally noticed that when I am angry - I am really just worried. That made so much sense and I really appreciated her feedback. When I mentioned this to my son, he then made the connection and thought it made so much sense looking back. Just showed me how mixed up our emotions can get. Keeping this in mind, I have been able to shift gears and addressing my concerns and noticed a lot less anger comes up.