CocoonGirl,
I had one of those relationships (online chat rooms). It was very very intense. I like to think of myself as a fairly rational person, but I was spending all my time online talking to him or others in the group. It didnt matter to me that we never met, he lived in California and I lived in Michigan. I wanted, needed, craved that attention.
After a few months, he finally used my phone number to call me. I was thrilled. We had a nice conversation, and he even talked about coming to Michigan to meet me.
The day after the phone conversation, he dropped out of sight. Offline, closed his email account and blocked me from his chat.
I was heartbroken, completely devastated. How could he do that? I thought there was something special going on. After telling another friend in our group, he told me he has done this before (he was married, never mentioned that!) and that I should just take it as a hard learned lesson in the reality of online relationships. Took me awhile to get over it though. I felt used and stupid. I was depressed.
If you are still searching for a relationship like the one you had, you are using your energy and focus on the wrong thing. Take care of yourself.
Have you considered counseling? If you are concentrating on something that is unlikely to happen, you are not open to what the world has to offer you.
I just wanted to say I understand, and I hope you find your way to happiness again for yourself.
Beth