hello mike,im in scotland too.
welcome to sr.
i tried many times on my own to give up.....i couldnt.
i go to AA.i have a life infinetly better than the existence i lived before.
why not give it a go? the poeple there have all been right at the very begining like you are.they will understand you and some will show you how to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
i was terrified of stopping,looking back alcohol was my "solution" to life and everything in it.take that away and what am i left with?.....me and my messed up head.
i needed something in my life to replace what i thought alcohol had given me.
i get this in the form of the 12 steps of AA.
you are in my prayers.