Originally Posted by
lc2846 
One thing I learned about my RABF's secrets (and he was very secretive when he was drinking, still somewhat that way now that he's sober): it was always way worse than even my overly developed imagination could dream up.
Same here. He drank more than I realized, he lied more than I knew, and schemed against me with his kid and family and my kids and whomever he could far more than I knew at the time.
He was a horrible person, but he's sure he's a put-upon, victimized saint.
(Re: lying: he'd confess, 'I'm terrible at lying, people know right away', and you were supposed to be reassured that he was such a bumbler at lying that he'd just given it up. In fact, he was an accomplished liar, a dyed-in-the-wool liar, and that phrase was just to cover himself in case he did get caught: "See, I'm a terrible liar", and you wouldn't look for the other lies he got away with--everyone I've ever known who has said "I'm a terrible liar" was actually a very good liar. The phrase is a red flag to me now.)