[B][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I have to remind myself about what "acceptance" means: Acknowledging the facts as they exist & deciding what I am going to do about them. It isn't about rolling over & playing dead, it doesn't mean I decide that my "work" is finished. But I can stop the self-flagellation and distance myself from identification with what I have done. My task is to step aside, make an observation, and take the appropriate steps. I am borrowing from Eckhart Tolle here: He reminds us that the more we identify with the past the most surely we are to make that our present & future. If I still experience the shame of old deeds I will most likely commit more shaming episodes.
One of the beauties of sobriety has been that I have less need to see things in absolutes, or in black and white. There was a time that I struggled with the notion of forgiving myself for my alcoholism while also taking responsibility: The two seemed diametrically opposite. With time I began to view it all as a "gray" area that tolerated both forgiveness & responsibility. The best I can describe it is as a "spiritual thing."