Originally Posted by
TakingCharge999 
Thanks for this post, stella. Very helpful. I hope your heart allows forgiveness for you and all involved. Letting the past stay in the past is something I struggle with daily.
Also, I am not sure how old your kids are, but I read LTD gave them mobiles so they could call her anytime they wanted for her to pick them up.
I did give my 8 year old a cellphone so that he could call me if he needed anything. It makes me feel a little bit better.
And I do try to be gentle with myself. I just trigger sometimes and today is a hard day as I am giving them over to their dad after 10 weeks of not sharing custody. The doctors think he is okay to have them unsupervised, and I feel like I did the first time I had to turn them over to him. Scared, lonely, afraid, apprehensive, alone...and then I want to yell "run, you fool!" to every sweet new member here who thinks that if she can only convince him of her love and support, that he will be forever grateful and will put down the bottle.
I may need to step away from the computer and go for a walk.
