Originally Posted by
Summerpeach 
Have you ever thought, that maybe being a codie is like being an addict and as we have to let the addict find his bottom so he can grow, we need to find an addict in order to help us grow
I believe all those things had to happen to you because at 40, it was time to grow.
Everyone has a path to take
Growth does hurt though.....ouch!
I think that I did need to grow - but at 22, I was ill-prepared for what lay ahead. The glaring problems were there when we were engaged (I was 24), but I let romantic love and "Nobody understands him like I do" and "nobody loves me like he does" and misguided ideas about the sacrifices you are supposed to make for a loved one and wanting to be part of a couple...blind me to an ugly reality.
Yes, I am growing, and it hurts and it feels good alternatively, but I don't believe it is good for me to have so many of my choices stripped away because I got in too deeply with someone who couldn't grow up and deal with life.
I am accepting of it - this is my life now. But I don't think the fact that I am growing and maturing is helpful to my children who are young and defenseless as I send them off with someone who is not really fit to care for them. Whether I have hit bottom as a co-dependent and am growing is irrelevant to their safety and well-being.
And while I am glad to have my new, stronger to hold onto, so much pain and misery could have been avoided had I been smarter years ago.
And that is what I wish I could relay to my not-yet-bound-up-with-him (except emotionally) counterparts.