Stella,
Thank you for your post. Alot of us DO feel that if we say the right things, do the right things, we can get them to change.
Here are just a few of the ones I have caught myself thinking or saying about my last relationship. I need to remind myself daily about how ridiculous I sounded:
My situation is different
He is my soul mate
He promised me he was sorry
He wants help from me
He needs help from me
He is strong and doesn't need a program
It's not his fault he lost his job
It's not his fault he rolled his SUV, it was raining that night
He's had some bad luck
It's not like he's hitting me or anything
It's not that bad, he only drinks beer
He can't live without me
I need to support him
everyone needs financial help once in a while
he's never lived with someone, thats why he acts like that
his heart is in the right place
he didn't actually hit me with the ironing board when he threw it, so it's okay
he has no friends because he works so much
he complains all the time and drinks so much because his job is so stressful
he calls me names in public because he's trying to be funny, because he's nervous
my girlfriends don't like him because they don't understand him
no one understands him like I do
I owe it to him to be there for him
Man i could go on, but you get my point
I am so grateful for people like you on here, that don't sugarcoat ANY of this. Newcomers like me need that "wake up sister!" We really don't know what we are in for until it is too late. Thank you for being honest about you experience, and revealing what really happens when we get sucked into that world.
There are many loving, wonderful people out there that don't have an addiction. How do I get my fishing pole in THAT pond?
Maybe I just need to change my bait...