I thin I am a little confused, you did say you’ve only know her for 8 months right? And in this short time you have discovered she is an alcoholic but not a lifelong drinker….how do you know that, you’ve only know her for 8 months. In this short time she was sleeping with someone else, then blamed her excessive drinking on you for her own behavior. Then she did the dramatic Thanksgiving suicide threat which brought you back around to her, she managed to manipulate that one didn’t she.
Today she is only 30 days into a 90 day self proclaiming program, she’s not drank – that you know of, she’s not having crazing like the others people in AA, and you feel that her drinking was because she got all caught up in the whirlwind of life and then finally realized her bad choices.
You say the problem is, your 10 year old daughter mother is looking at for her child and wants all kinds of worded agreements that this woman must sign in order for her to give her permission for you to have your child around her, it that right? Your ex wants this woman to finish her 90 in 90 and 6 months of addiction counseling before you will be allowed to let your daughter around her???? Is that right? But you want it to be after 90 days and not have to wait until she completes addiction counseling, is that right? Your ex wants to use an addiction specialist as a mediator??? Someone your ex works with? Is that right?
Now you are engaged to this woman that you’ve only known for 8 months, a woman you’ve never felt this way EVER with (FANTASY LIKE RIGHT?)…………….and you don’t believe you have any codependency issues at all….is that right?
And all you want is input regarding the 90 day mark? Is that right?
What are you doing for you? What kind of therapy or counseling have you looked into for you?
I think if I were your ex wife, rather then make fairly new GF jump through hoops, I’d be looking at making you do the jumping first. No offense here SX1106 but I would strongly suggest for you to seek some alone therapy of your own, for you, just you, not her, not her addiction, not for the mediator…………….but for you and try to figure out what has made you fall so hard so fast for someone so not available to you for the kind of life you seek. There are no guarantees with alcoholics, relapse is part of the disease and you are attempting to build a life on a very shaky foundation. Learn as much about your codependency as you have her addiction, maybe it will balance things out a bit for you.