I believe that I am:
-overweight, and will often call myself fat and unattractive, and that I have no right being in a bathing suit, everyone will look at me and shake their heads.
- obsessed about the rules - I HATE having to move across that yellow line, even to avoid a pothole
- convinced that if I make a mistake I will be found out
- certain that no one is interested in what I have to say about my feelings and personal thoughts. Interestingly, I feel secure in my work ability and do not hesitate to chime in.
- afraid that people only love me for what I can do for them. That is I suddenly stopped doing anything, I would stop being loved.
The TRUTH:
-I am about 20 pounds overweight and could use some toning but am by NO MEANS ugly and nobody looks twice at me at the beach, and my H is still attraced to me.
- I am learning to HATE rules! And occassionally I break them to see what will happen - so far, nothing.
- I screw up like everone else and I am moving away from the idea of perfection
-I have started to share my feelings regardless. If I get a positive reaction then great! I have now moved a little bit closer to that person. If I don't, I ask myself is this a pattern? If it is with this person, I stop sharing with them. It's still a very scary thing for me, and the rejection (even perceived) hurts. It happened last nite with my H. I shared something about me, but he took it personally and shut down. I am still struggling with feelings of rejection. bleh.
-I am not doing as much, but still alot.