superx1106

Wow....where to start?

The good: My alcoholic is 30 days into her 90 in 90 tomorrow. She has been the picture perfect person in her recovery. Does not want to drink. Has dropped her friends that do. Has only thought a glass of wine would taste good once since she stopped. Back to exercising everyday. Eats healthy. This is the girl I met and fell in love with 8 months ago.

The bad: when she was drinking, she was depressed (for obvious reasons). Wanted to kill herself. Acted like an ass.

The situation: We met 8 months ago. Knew we were going to be something amazing together. About a month and a half into us dating (we were not exclusive yet), I found out she was sleeping with someone else tho she told me nothing was happening. This guy was an alcoholic. I was crushed. I told my ex (who was my best friend at the time). She was supportive. I didn't tell her she drank tho. On Thanksgiving, this girl calls me while she is drunk wanting to kill herself. Ex is there mad that I'm talking to her while my family is sitting in living room talking.

She is not a lifelong drinker. It all happened around this other guy. I backed off. She drank more due to my actions. We finally talked some and started seeing each other some. Her mom is stage 4 lung cancer and they are best friends. She laid off the drinking some, but not enough....I finally told her I had to leave. She stopped drinking. Made changes. Admitted she had a problem. Started going to AA. Is reading the book. She loves me and does not want to lose me. Her depression is COMPLETELY gone since she stopped drinking. Has a sponsor who is awesome!

I've been to open meetings. Al-anon meetings too. She does not have the cravings like the other people in the AA meetings. I don't have the issues that anyone else has in the Al-anon meetings. Which I consider to be all good! I think she got caught up in a whirlwind and finally realized the bad choices.

The problem: I have a 10 year old daughter. My ex is a Psych Nurse Practitioner. She thinks my girlfriend is an alcoholic of the highest degree. I agreed that to date her she would be in AA. She didn't start right away, and due to the agreement we had, my daughter is NOT allowed to have contact with her. She is telling me only after finishing her 90 in 90 AND 6 months of addiction counseling will she be able to....the 90 in 90 nor the 6 months of counseling were in our agreement. My daughter and my girlfriend have met....before the agreement was struck. They are amazing together!!

My question: is 6 months reasonable? I was thinking more like once she got her 90 day chip.

I truly love this woman. Never felt like this EVER. We are engaged now. The no contact thing is the only strain on our relationship. My girl understands, but wants the contact with my daughter and my daughter wants it as well. Summer is coming and we all want to do things together and this is really stopping us from making any plans.

I'm a fairly intelligent guy. I've always been able to get a good read on people. I know my girl is truly happy and does NOT want to drink. I'm 43 and I now know what love is supposed to be about and feel like!

We used an addiction specialist as a mediator (someone my ex works with) to create the agreement. My ex wanted me to talk to her initially to get input into finding out what being with an alcoholic is like. And my ex thought I was co-dependent. After 3 meetings, she thinks my girl is doing really well and that I don't have any co-dependency issues nor am I a fixer and that I should call if I need someone to talk to or bounce things off of. Just that I happen to be in love with someone now in recovery. We have another meeting next week. The mediator has been VERY fair. I'm looking for input. Good and bad. Reasons to ask for my request at her 90 day mark.

Thanks for reading my novel and appreciate this forum.

SX1106