Chapter 10 and previous chapters: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...way-point.html
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Synopsis:
Most codependents suffer from low self-worth. We treat ourselves poorly. We see ourselves as "less than". We don't feel important, as such, our needs are not important. "We think we're inferior to and different from the rest of the world - Not unique, but oddly and inappropriately different." We have been known to disguise our feelings by spending a lot of energy on our appearances. From dress to the homes we live in. We pick on ourselves and tend to carry a lot of needless guilt.
Putting ourselves first is almost out of the question. Melodie also explains that "Anyone as insignificant as us must go the extra mile to be liked". By others, and ourselves. Our self worth and self hatred can be tied into our codependency habits that include:
Martydom
Refusal to enjoy life
Workaholism
Staying busy (not simply enjoying life)
Perfectionism
Not feeling good about the things we do
Procrastination
Piles of Guilt
Uncertainty about ourselves
Preventing intimacy
Avoiding commitment
Staying in bad relationships
Initiating bad relationships
Avoiding relationships that would be healthy
Here's some of the reasons we have this low-self worth (self hate)
Alcoholic/sick parents
Marrying an alcoholic/sick person
Entering relationships with fragile self worth - then having it disintegrated
She explains that we are often completely unaware of our low-self worth because we constantly compare ourselves to the very sick people in our lives.
It doesn't matter why we are the way we are. We need to stop doing it. "Right now we can give ourselves a big emotional and mental hug" Go ahead, wrap your rams around yourself RIGHT NOW. :-) We are having appropriate emotions and we are right where we are supposed to be. We are not only okay, we are wonderful. We've only done the best we could. Time to look at our issues and defects. We need to make goals for ourselves. We are good hearted people. The main difference between us and the rest of the world is that we we pick on ourselves endlessly. Stop it.
Other people, those we see as content, is that they allow themselves to shine. They work through fear. They set goals, and they foster their gifts and talents. They live life for themselves. We need to to stop self-blame. Self victimization and guilt do us
no good. We need to become aware when we have these self-destructive thoughts. We need to practice self-affirmations. "To thine own self be true". Don't allow ourselves to trick ourselves. Laugh at ourselves when appropriate and hug ourselves often.
Talk to God (or our higher power) clergy and/or friends. We need to train ourselves into behaviors that will enhance our self-worth. Assert our God given consciousness. Think independantly and love our life and our possible future. We have integrity, we are courageous.
Commit ourselves to
ourselves. "The love we give and receive will be enhanced by the love we give ourselves."
ACTIVITY (paraphrased):
1.) Write about the things that you like or dislike about yourselves and re-read it. Is it true (to thine own self be true)?