Thanks for the replies.
JenT – your post made me think about what my options actually are – I see them as clear cut – stay with him and deal with all this rubbish or leave him. Do I have any other options that I’m not seeing? It hurts that i know he could do it but he isn’t trying hard enough – he says he is trying his best – that can’t be true can it? The thought of getting away from everyone is so appealing and I will have a proper think so see if I could do this somehow. I made a pros and cons list before but maybe that needs revisiting. I feel so stupid because when you look at it rationally it makes no sense to stay. But I want to be with him. If I left him and said ring me when your sorted out, I think he would probably get worse, hang around with the wrong crowd even more and sink further into alcoholism – he’d probably end up sleeping with horrible people again as he has hardly any self respect when he is really really bad (before he met me he did that for a while). You are right though, I need to explore that further.
Suki – the ex issue I probably haven’t explained very well. She is quite unstable (not just got that from him, others have said too) and she wouldn’t leave him alone before we were together and for a while after. She would text him and call quite a bit saying she loved him and wouldn’t accept it was over etc etc. He told her it was and had been for some time, but she would keep calling. He changed his phone number and finally grew a backbone and told her very clearly to leave him alone. She did for months but then asked him on facebook how he was and if he’d add her as a friend. He replied out of politeness (i’ve seen what he sent) and added her, thinking she’d got over it. Well, apparently since then she’s sent more messages asking how he is etc, but he is not on facebook anymore (unrelated issue) and so she had no way of contacting him other than going to his house – notes through the door for past couple of weeks. She said in last one apparently that she is going to his tonight and wants him to be in so they can talk. He is going to be there and tell her to leave him alone before it gets out of hand. That is what i’ve been told. I do actually believe him, but I was supposed to be going there myself tonight and now i can’t because she is – that wound me up. He just throws it back at me about me and my ex because we are actually friends still and often chat and sometimes see each other – then i feel guilty for moaning at him. But the situations are different – i don’t know if i am being unfair because he deals with me being friends with my ex most of the time without saying a word.
I probably do deserve better though, thanks. I’m an honest person who just wants a loving, sharing, trusting relationship to put my all into. I saw something in my ABF that I liked and wanted, but he is slowly eroding that all away.