iwc, I'm sorry this part of your learning journey is so hard.
When you are truly done (with the drinking, the drama, the lying, the disrespect, and (probably) the infidelity) then you will be done, and not a moment before.
As hard as it is for us to watch you suffer through this, the truth is that you MUST suffer through this if you're to find your own answers.
There is much more going on here besides alcoholism. You are dealing with a dishonorable man. That is a shame, because I know you hoped with all your heart that he would turn out to be something different. Realizing what he truly is, again, is your journey to take.
I'm sorry it has to hurt so much though
You are a good person who deserves to be with someone who is as loyal to you as you are to them. I hope you find that person some day, because it will open up new realms of joy for you.