Originally Posted by
iwantcontrol 
I don’t know what I want anymore. I can’t understand my own feelings or thoughts. I think I want to be with him but I don’t want any of this stuff. I’m unhappy. Not just with this but generally, I’m unhappy more than I’m happy.
Unfortunately, being with him includes all of 'this stuff.' It's kinda like wanting to eat ice cream for every meal without gaining any weight. You don't get one without the other.
I wish I could tell you something positive about being with an active alcoholic, but there just isn't anything positive about it. Sorry.
L