Soleus

I just wanted to share something interesting I noticed.

I know there is this cycle with addicts- you use, you do bad stuff, you stop using, you feel guilty for the bad stuff you did, so you use some more. The cycle varies but it's something like that.

I, in a very very small way, can relate to that. I was the normal girlfriend of an addict, I've had no previous drug experience. Well, lately I've been feel lonely and withdrawn. And I've grown distant from all the people that were close in my life. I've realized how much time I spent on him and trying to help him that I was ignoring the people in my life. I was missing them dearly too but I just haven't been able to make myself see them lately. I felt embaressed and ashamed of my situation, like addicts do, even though they would have no idea what has been going on in my life. Interestingly enough the guiltier and sadder I felt about neglecting my relationships with people the more I felt like avoiding them, like an addict wanting to use after thinking about the bad things he's done.

By chance I ran into some old faces this weekend, and I am SO glad I did. I wanted to try and avoid them at first but then they saw me and were delighted to see me. I hadn't seen them in MONTHS. I felt so bad for not keeping in touch with them but they understood, they just said 'hey- we're glad to see you now.' I feel so relieved. Honestly, the agony I've been feeling washed away. I went today to visit more people I was close to and I'm so glad I did. I suggest getting in contact with the people that were close in your life, you don't know their reaction and they will probably just be glad you're back.

I don't know why I'm sharing, it was just interesting the small concept of 'the cycle'. I feel amazingly better now. Literally it was like a light switch for me.

I guess I just want to give a warning to those out there in relationships with addicts. You start feeling the same way they do. Your social life is affected, you disappear to protect them like they disappear to take drugs.

Not sure if there's anything to get out of this lol, take what you can.