Thanks Mark for your support and your shared experiences. It is good to know I'm not in this alone and that others have gone through similar challenges.
I think you are right. Just stop the drinking first and let life come to me. See how I feel differently, see if the fog lifts at all.
You've inspired me to keep a journal of what I am going through, how I feel, future challenges I face, all because I want to remember why I chose this path in the first place and how my life has changed from where I am now to where I will be in the future.
I have not gone to AA, have done some research on it about the when and the where. From online sounds like it works for some people and not for others. I'm willing to give anything a shot and if it is not working for me then find something that does.
thanks again,
Jack
Originally Posted by
Mark75 
Hi Jack... Great post. Welcome.
I can relate to so much of your post. I don't even know where to start!!!! I do have experience with ambien that is nearly identical to yours. Bizarre, regrettable behavior... yep. Funny thing is now, I sleep like a baby with nothing except a warm bed! Alcohol really screws up sleep. Once the alcohol was gone, so was the insomnia....
Anyway, I am 52, in a highly technical and stressful career. I too thought I was highly functioning... I found out that was a lie. You may find out the same thing.
I still hike big mountains (up your way in VT,NH and ME), ski, whitewater, bicycle... and yea, I used to associate those activities with a beer, or other stuff, at some point. But not anymore, and I have just as good a time... in fact, I can do anything I want, except drink.
I also liked those cozy bars and drinks with the wife in front of the fire. I don't do bars anymore, well occasionally, but only for good reasons, but I am still happily married.
I had all the questions you did. I found that the answers came, but not all at once, but they did. First things first!!! ya know? Quit drinking... and your answers, your truth, your life, will come to you....
AA had many of the answers I needed. Have you looked into it?
Keep posting.
Mark