You have to realize that you are mourning the man you WANT him to be, not the man HE IS.
Being away from the addict brings SO MUCH CLARITY! It's amazing. You begin to live again, you see your life differently. You are no longer shackled to someone that is diseased, weak and energy draining!
You begin to find yourself. You begin to take control of your life. Ultimately, you can only control you.
Once the addict realizes there are consequences, 2 things happen. One, they get help, and they get on a serious road to recovery. Two, they do the happy dance, hallejulah the witch is dead, I'm free, I can party, drink, do what I want!
If you stay, or if you go...ONE OF THOSE THINGS WILL HAPPEN.
You have to decide that what you are willing to put up with. What YOU can tolerate. It doesn't matter which road the addict takes, it matters what road YOU TAKE! You cannot save him, you cannot make him well, and you cannot make his decision for him. He will get recovery when he's ready. Until then no amount of threats, crying, or ultimatums will make the addict change for you. None. Nada. Zero.
Go out, and begin to live your life without him. Get involved in your church, get a hobby, get together with friends you have isolated from. Nurture your heart, your spirit, and YOUR life will be transformed. What he does, is up to him!
Hugs and Peace to you Beloved!