Welcome back, and I also hope you find the help you need. Back in August 08, when one of the posters said we need a plan for sobriety, that is so true. I don't attend AA, and I will not tell you anything about a higher power.. but we all need support to do this, to save our lives. I'm not sure how you've been since your last postings, but your most recent updates about psychosis, seizures and neuropathy is scary. If you do want to quit, and quit for good, make a plan. I only can tell you my experience, but what I eventually did was quit drinking, and got my fragile shaky self into a counselor experienced in mental health, addiction, trauma.. etc. I interviewed him (and many others) before I went to him.. ended up in his office two to three times a week for over 6 months, and of course found that drinking had very little to do with my 'issues', and just worked on myself and my struggles. I realized I had been taking very little time to even get to know myself, what made me tick, what pain I was harboring, what the architecture of my life had created in me. It's a seriously messed up puzzle that I think none of us have the energy or skill to figure out all by ourselves (we hadn't done that well of it up to the point of needing help that's for sure!). If anything else, stay close to here, read about other peoples' struggles, and triumphs.. share with us.. you never know what you might get back in return that could help you turn a corner in your life and point you in a direction you hadn't thought of yet.
I'm really glad you're here, and I hope you stay close.
J