Originally Posted by mansruin
i just want someone to hold me. i want everything to be better. i dug myself into a big hole. i made myself into who i am today. i risked everything. for nothing. to forget how much i hate myself for twenty or so minutes. to forget what a bad person i am and how im nothing. like velvet says 'i feel sick and dirty. more dead than alive'
Come here. Give me that stick. Yeah, the shame stick you're beating yourself up with. Now listen closely...
SNAP! No more. Now is the time to start letting go. A little bit at a time. But let go at all costs. Self pity is one of the surest ways to talk yourself into using again.
It does get better.
You are not nothing, as you say. You are a beautiful human being who is terribly sick. And because of that, you've made a succession of bad choices that have led you where you are today. But here is at least one thing that you should be grateful for and be proud of... You're clean today. And if you take a few minutes, calm down and think clearly, I
know you'll find at least five more things in your life right now to be thankful for. Write them down and look at them. I promise you'll feel better if you do.