tyler

Ended up getting pretty lit last night. Last night the folks were away. What I find so discouraging is that I'm 41 years old, living with my parents, and I'm not sure how I can make it any other way. The few times I've lived "on my own" in my adult years have been disasterous.

My college roomates and ex wife kept me in some degree of check, but the times that it has just been me were all bad. There have only been three times. After college I broke up with my girlfriend (now ex wife) for about 6 months. We had pretty much been living together since I had finished school. Those were a lost 6 months. I sat in my recliner smoking pot, eating and getting drunk, pretty much 24/7, before talking her into getting back together (even though I was the one who broke up)

When we first seperated before the divorce, I spent a few months on my own before I lost it and ended up in a rehab in Florida, then back to my parents house. I gave it another shot after about a year and ended up with two stays in the mental ward, the last after a suicide attempt.

I guess I'm doing better now. I'm not nearly as self destructive as I have been in the past, but it still rears it's head, especially when left alone to my own devices. It's not like I spend much time with my folks. It's a big house and I pretty much live in one wing and they live in the other. There are sometimes days that go by without seeing each other, due to my work schedule. But for some reason it helps. At the same time, I want to have the freedom of living on my own, but the thought of it and the past issues when I've attempted it, scare me. It's just frustrating. Oh well. That's about it for me. Take care.