Just Tired,
Are you very unhappy now? I know he's an alcoholic too. He's functioning, but he has problems with it. He in general has an addictive personality, so I'm not sure why I doubt him being labeled an "addict". I like to hear from people who stayed in the situation. I know it's not something I want to deal with for the rest of my life, so it really helps seeing other peoples insight and outcomes. It seems like it never really gets better. I've spent endless hours this week reading up on addiction, and it's extremely depressing. It just never goes away, especially when in denial.
Hi Jenny - Yes, I'm unhappy now and planning to leave hopefully soon. We had good years in-between. It wasn't all bad, that's for sure. I stayed because he was able to convince me that he wasn't an alcoholic. That he was just drinking due to circumstances. He quit drinking for a while and things were good. Then he started drinking again and we had more problems and then he quit drinking. I thought our problems were over. Then he cut his hand and was put on pain meds which eventually lead to problems with those too. If I could do it again, I would go back 5 years and would learn the lesson I SHOULD HAVE learned then, instead getting even more enmeshed with him. I wish I would have left him a long time ago. It only gets harder the longer you stay.
And, you're right. Addiction is completely depressing and you are doubly right when you say it won't go away if they are in denial. 10 years later my abf is still in denial. It doesn't magically get better. They have to WANT it to get better. You are helping him the best way you can by getting out of his way.
Hang in there!