Originally Posted by
Jenny1232 
Thank you everyone for your replies. I can't help but love him so much. I feel like I walked away when he needed me. I gave up the fight. He's hurting so bad, and I caused his pain.
I appreciate what everyone is saying. I feel like I know I'll be better in time. It's just so much to handle. He was very manipulative and controlling.. and I don't want that for a lifetime...
I like to hear from people who stayed in the situation. I know it's not something I want to deal with for the rest of my life, so it really helps seeing other peoples insight and outcomes. It seems like it never really gets better. I've spent endless hours this week reading up on addiction, and it's extremely depressing. It just never goes away, especially when in denial.
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hi, i'm a recovering addict with 8yrs clean and i can tell you that none of this is your fault. yes, he's probably in pain but thats what its like to be locked in addiction. not matter what you decide to do or say will make his pain go away, he'll have to commit to doing whatever it takes for him to help himself.
now, my ah of 24yrs was addicted and it took me 21yrs of trying to stay with him to realize that i had to separate to literally save my and my kids sanity. as his addiction got worse, so did the abuse. he passed away last month, imo, without ever getting really serious about saving himself.
i know you love him but you have to love yourself more. that was a hard and painful lesson for me to learn. addicts are good at manipulating others into being and doing what they need others to be and do. ne trying to stick by my ah for so so long was imo, holding up a big neon sign that read " ITS OK TO CONTINUE USING, I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU".
IMO, if your bf is really ready to stop hurting and using drugs, he'll be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to stop, until then, regardless of what he says, he may not be that "ready". keep the focus on you, when he's ready you'll know by his actions and not what he says. you both are in my prayers