Thank you everyone for your replies. I can't help but love him so much. I feel like I walked away when he needed me. I gave up the fight. He's hurting so bad, and I caused his pain.
I appreciate what everyone is saying. I feel like I know I'll be better in time. It's just so much to handle. He was very manipulative and controlling.. and I don't want that for a lifetime...
Just Tired,
Are you very unhappy now? I know he's an alcoholic too. He's functioning, but he has problems with it. He in general has an addictive personality, so I'm not sure why I doubt him being labeled an "addict". I like to hear from people who stayed in the situation. I know it's not something I want to deal with for the rest of my life, so it really helps seeing other peoples insight and outcomes. It seems like it never really gets better. I've spent endless hours this week reading up on addiction, and it's extremely depressing. It just never goes away, especially when in denial.
Addiction is progressive.
Great time to get in touch with your inner co-dependence. Why oh why would you want to be around someone who is so out of control and abusive?
I feel like I'm addicted to the cycle of abuse. It's all I've ever known. I grew up with it. I have addiction problems myself. I seriously think I enjoy it. It's sickening. I do know that I want a better life for myself though.. so part of me doesn't want it. I'm SO confused.
I did read, "what addicts do" and I could see it all very clearly. I've grasped the concept of loving an addict a lot more in the past few days. I've been an addict, but never really bad where it affected my relationship. I was very young, and I've been on a journey of self-improvement since I was 18 (I'm not 23). I no longer want this life.. and I'm trying so desperately to improve it.