shut off valve
I dont understand why I dont have a shut off valve for my emotions! It would be so much easier to shut them off!
Divorce papers should be back from the court today and then off to him.
When I think of him..its sad that I only have memories from the beginning back about 10 years and to see what he has become now..a lieing, self absorbed, selfish, impressionable, cheating, thieving, manipulating, 13 year old boy.
Where did I go wrong and how did I get here? Why didnt I run when I first saw signs. But I am facing reality. But my reality isnt what I thought it was anymore. I have taken the blinders off..My sweet quiet husband had a whole secret life and hated me yet somehow loved me. Or so he says. I guess its better that I have so little good memories and when I sat and talked to my friend and catch how she and her husband get along I get a bit of jealous in me. Because I wanted to have that one day. I wanted someone who really cared for me. I wanted a real man who didnt get his seven brand jeans dry cleaned because that is just ridiculous. For a while I thought he was gay and that would have been fine if I wasnt married to him.
There is a small part of me that entertains what he says about my character defects but I think that is the codie on me when I shift blame to myself because then if its my fault I think I can actually fix it. That has never worked for me yet. LOL.
Just venting as usual. Plus I have a sinus infection and not feeling well today so that may be my trigger.