Shelly...
Sounds like your skidding and bouncing off your bottom...
Well... I have no hard and fast solutions for you... but a suggestion would be to head for the place that is affordable... has many members, and has been known to lift the most lost soul out of their hell... Narcotics Anonymous.
I found that I had to be around people like myself that had lost all sanity around their DOC.
I am praying to the ALL to send you some clarity around your addiction.. and willingness to go to any length to walk away from that hell on earth.