New...Scared...
Hi ~ I am new to this site. Browsed for a few days then joined today. I know I need help and have needed it for some time. The last time I drank was on Monday night (3/22). I drove past a local AA meeting place twice last night. Just couldn't go in. I saw people standing outside smoking and was immediatley embarassed to walk past them. I do wish I had someone to go with however nobody "knows" that I am an alcoholic. I am a closet drinker and have been for quite a few years now. I Drink 1-2 bottles of wine about 4-5 nights a week then hide the empties in my trunk and throw them away at work. Ridiculous, I know. I have a great life, amazing friends, wonderful job and have no idea why I continue with this cycle. I feel down on myself everyday after I drink which makes me want to drink all over again that night to forget the pain of the whole cycle. I have gone a week here and there without drinking at all but after I start feeling really good I want to "celebrate" again and then the cycle continues =( Is there a way to get a sponsor without having to go to the meetings just yet anyway? Posting this is a big step for me. I have admitted to myself many times that I have a problem but seeing it in writing makes it more "official" somehow. I am really scared but really excited to begin this new chapter in my life. I know what I am capable of in this lifetime and have put many dreams on hold due to this addicition. It frustrates me so much that I know what the problem is and I know what will make my life soooo much better yet I always revert back to the same thing. I'm tired of lying to my family and friends. Just plainly sick and tired =(