Jenny1232

I'm just really lost and confused, and not sure where to turn. I've come here to vent, gain insight, outsiders perceptions, relate to others in similar situations and hopefully grasp and understanding of "why".

I'd been dating this guy for over a year, and there was a gazillion read flags I ignored because of the instant attraction. He was simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G in every way.. until he got mad. His rage was unstoppable. I suspected he was an alcoholic, so we quit that for a few months, and things were better. However, he's been on percocet and tramadol for nine months now. He has legitimate pain, but I feel it's become an excuse. He's in constant denial that he has a problem with it. However, he goes through 210 pills in less than two weeks. He becomes very defensive and aggressive when I approach him about this problem, and insists he's fine.

When he's on them, he's great. Besides being a space cadet, he's tender, loving and warm, or whatever you want to call it. The moment he runs out, he releases his inner demons. He snaps out of no where, lashing out, calling me names and threatening to leave me. He suddenly places ALL of the blame on me. When I say I'm not sure how much I can take.. he comes back crying saying he loves me, and he doesn't want pills to tear us apart. He offers to let me distribute his medicine. Literally 24 hours later, we're fighting over morphine he was offered, and tells me he doesn't have a problem, and he will NOT give me his medicine anymore. I was at my end. He was blowing up, unreasonable and I couldn't get through to him once again. I broke up with him... and we haven't spoken since.

I know this is the end of our relationship, and I'm left confused and heartbroken. Before all of the pills, he was extremely passionate and loving. His sex drive vanished. His desire to talk to me or be sweet vanished. He lacked any sort of purposeful communication. He became lazy. He began lying to me about his dosage amounts. Etc. Etc. Etc. It just became too much.

I'm questioning to myself. Was he really an addict? Was he just dependent on them? Did he have a very high tolerance? Was this fair of me? Should I of given him more chances?

In my heart, I know I made the right choice. I was no longer happy with him anymore. I constantly worried, is he drinking, is he smoking, and how many pills did he take? I found myself snooping through his stuff more and more (which I'd always made it a point NOT to).

It's a long story, and I can't cover much ground without writing a book on the subject. However, I love him tremendously. I miss him more than I thought. I know I'll never get my life back though. Before I met him, I was full of life. I was active and healthy. Since meeting him, I picked up smoking and drinking a lot again. It's not who I want to be... but I love him.

Are behavior changes like this consistent with pill abusers? He’s like night and day, literally. Anything can set him off. He is VERY emotionally and verbally abusive. When he’s fiending for his next script, he’ll call me every name in the book. Then, he’ll apologize, say he didn’t mean it.. but I made him because of this or that. I’m beginning to think he’s a sociopath of some sort. He’s a good guy though, I can’t emphasize that enough. He has a big heart, he’s just troubled.. Here I go making more excuses for him.

Someone please offer me insight, or something…